by Linda Kay

Starring: Eartha Riley, Buffer Partlow

Directed by: Jill Rae Zurborg

This review contains an Implied Kitty Carnage Warning!

Cat Out of the Bag Alert! This review contains some spoilers for this film!

Synopsis: Phyllis (Rhona Brody) is a plus-size high school student who is teased and bullied by her classmates, including a snobbish clique headed by Muffy Fairlane (Kathryn A. Mensik) who is entering the Slivis Slough Queen Beauty Pageant and doesn’t want any of her friends to come in last. So they recruit Phyllis for the pageant behind her back which leads to consequences they could never imagine.

Cat Burglar (Scene Stealer): Phyllis owns a plus-size fluffy ginger tabby cat named Eartha who is her only family since losing her parents.

During the first meeting for the pageant contestants, Phyllis’ nerdy friend Cameron (Steve Kollin) rushes into the room to tell Phyllis that Eartha got out of the house while he was catsitting and is stuck up a tree. Phyllis rushes home where the fire department has rescued Eartha and makes it clear they have no intention of ever rescuing the cat again. Even the elderly neighborhood ladies wonder at the fact that Phyllis hasn’t eaten the cat already in a dated piece of size shaming (which is rife throughout the film).

Cameron goes into a lengthy explanation of how Eartha managed to get out and made him miss the bonus round of Jeopardy. During this scene the lighting constantly changes, giving the impression the scenes were shot in reverse order (either that or they started very early in the day).

The day of the pageant the girls, including Muffy, Elizabeth (Tammy Pescatelli), Alison (Kimberly Ann Kurtenbach) and Shelley (Laura Schutter) are gathered for their preparations. Cameron shows up with snacks for Phyllis and Eartha the cat, which Phyllis is sure will bring her good luck.

Unfortunately Elizabeth is allergic to cats and starts sneezing. The terrifying head of the pageant, Betty Prunish (Jim Boggess) orders Phyllis to remove Eartha, screaming, “I don’t care what you do with it, just get it outta here!”

It’s not clear what happens to Eartha during the pageant but Phyllis ends up coming in last. Later the mean girls are still angry and Elizabeth off-handedly suggests they kill the cat. Only Muffy takes her seriously, so they break into Phyllis’ house which they find in a mess. They are all scared by something moving under some nearby trash. Muffy uses a broom to move some papers to reveal Eartha beneath.

Muffy picks up the unsuspecting kitty as Elizabeth is wracked with sneezes and tells them to “nuke the damn thing,” which again Muffy takes literally.

Implied Kitty Carnage Warning! They carry Eartha into the kitchen and Muffy puts the poor cat into the microwave. Thankfully the low budget for the film assures that the actually killing of the cat and the aftermath were left completely to the imagination of the viewer.

Eartha was played by both Eartha Riley and Buffer Partlow, the latter likely the pet of the film’s writer and producer Shane Partlow.

Final Mewsings: Cats should never trust mean girls.

Many thanks to JP for letting us know about the cat in this film.

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